Your web-browser is very outdated, and as such, this website may not display properly. Please consider upgrading to a modern, faster and more secure browser. Click here to do so.
So basically I am in love with my lover and I can’t help it and it sounds so pathetic. I have always mocked any talk of soulmates and meant-to-be bullshit, but when I smell his smell I just lose my shit, I want to breathe him in forever. His eyes twinkle and I want to stab myself in the face until I die. He trims his beard and I can’t even bear to see it because it hurts so much. I have never been this person and sometimes it feels that I might die thinking this way. This isn’t something that is meant to actually happen and I feel like maybe this is something I can never possibly get over. I feel like this will ruin me.
Mostly I can kid myself that my agoraphobia is under control (I can quit whenever I want) because I never put myself in challenging situations. But when I am in a challenging situation (going outside, going out on a Friday, going to a busy place, meeting someone new) I lose it within minutes. Self loathing doesn’t come close to describing how I feel about myself right now. I wish I had never been born.
going to bed before midnight is admitting defeat
9:30am: Cancel visiting my sister because I don’t have bus fare and am too anxious to walk to an atm.
11:30am: Burst into tears because the cat bit me (he doesn’t love me! Nobody loves me! Forever alone!)
11:47am: Another upbeat post for my long-suffering tumblr chums.
Page 1 of 64